Black in classic

I cannot wait to fall in love. To be very candid, I have never been in love. My very first love was with myself. I know that sounds extremely mature, but it’s true. I had to face some hard truths as a child that forced me to decide right then and there who I loved more. I either could love you more than I love myself or love myself more and treat myself better. I think many people went through that process in the reverse. I dealt with abandonment at as a child and knew right away that I would never allow someone the opportunity to make me feel less than. I was well aware very early that when something didn’t feel right, I had the strength to make myself feel good. As a teenager, I couldn’t express that like I can now at twenty-five years old. I wasn’t and still am not dealing with daddy issues. I had navigated through that and refused to let it be a reason why I had a poor relationship with love and loving others. At a VERY young age, I refused to be the “stereotypical” little girl with issues of needing to be loved. TRIGGER: I hate for people to think I need them. I don’t need anyone (that’s another trigger). I am well aware that I am capable of doing it on my own. GRANTED, my learned behavior towards love is not the best, but I am aware that is why I haven’t been in love. I fell in love with me first. Do you know how hard it is to allow someone to treat you any kind of way when you have been loving yourself for YEARS? Some things just won’t be allowed or tolerated with me. Not to mention, I am someone who learns through other people’s mistakes. I don’t need to touch the stove to see if it is hot, if you have shown me scars from being burned. Everyone is allowed room to make their own mistakes, but I would be a fool to witness it and then make the same mistake. I’m super observant and I have learned along the way by seeing and understanding. Love cannot find you if you are not ready. Love won’t feel anything like what you imagine it to be. Love is different for every individual. Am I ready for love? Of course, but I think I need to get out of my own way. I’ve known so long what it felt like to love myself that I never allowed room to know what it feels like for someone else to love me. My guard is 20 feet tall and it protects the love that I have given to myself for twenty-five years. I am not afraid of being hurt or anything of the sorts. I am afraid of letting someone in and allowing them to ruin the relationship that I have built with myself. (I hope that makes sense). And I’m sure you will probably be thinking, “Well how can someone ruin a relationship that you have with yourself?” I don’t have the answer to that and that uncertainty is nerve-racking. But, as I get older and transition into a new place. I want to take time to make room for love from other people. You never the great things on the other side of love.